The World Spins
by pocketsizeBrewster
Summary: This story takes place real time, in season 11. I took most of my inspiration for this story from the novel Let The Great World Spin by Colum McCann. This story is very beautiful and intense, perhaps too much so for words. The story made me feel very strange and unusual and beautiful things, and I can only hope this is as vivid a story for you. I own no characters. Reviews loved.
1. Chapter 1

The orange walls of the bull-pen, the bright light from the ceiling, the hustle and bustle of the footsteps coming from the elevator, the smell of energy in the air. The office was alive today, the sing-song conversations sounding almost like music. Abby was in the bull-pen, bent over McGee's desk, having an intense conversation. Tony was able to follow their voices up and down, to follow the pitch of the words, to listen to the song that they didn't know they were singing.

"Morning, Tony" McGee said, breaking away from conversation and looking at Tony.

"Tony!" Abby squealed, "Oh it's so good to see you!"

"I saw you last night, Abs." Is his reply.

"I know Tony, but I'm happy to see everyone today!"

Tony was just about to ask her why, but the conversation was cut short by Vance entering the bull-pen.

"Nice to see you all," he said "Gibbs here yet?"

In unison, they all replied "coffee."

"Ah,"said Vance, "I'll need him in MTAC when he returns. Get back to work."

And with that, they all went to their respective work stations, be it desk or lab. Tony sat at his desk and let the sunlight coming in from the open glass ceiling warm his face and his hands, and then he took a deep breath in. Looking at his desk, he saw that there was a small stream of sunlight resting on the top right drawer of his desk, and so he opened it.

"Ah" he said in his head, "there it is."

He reached for the Star of David necklace that he placed in that drawer oh so many months ago. Because the sunlight was shining on it, it seemed all at once warm and shining with importance. He began to think to himself, maybe that is why it seemed to be a good day, he hadn't thought of her yet, hadn't felt the sadness he became all too familiar in feeling. He knew now that the rest of the day could not be as good as it had previously been, that there would be some bitter to its sweetness, some subtle spinning to the gliding.

Gibbs walked through the elevator doors then, looked at no one in the bull-pen, and took the stair two at a time as he ascended towards MTAC.

"Gut or phone call?" Ellie asked, and at the same time, McGee and Tony flatly said "Gut." Without even looking up from their computer screens or paper work on their desk.

She was a good agent, Bishop, but she was still trying to figure things out.


	2. Chapter 2

They all sat at their desks, half-heartedly wondering what was ensuing on the floor that sat above their heads. Soon enough, Gibbs bounded down the stairs. He was walking fast, and powerfully.

"What's up Boss?" Tony asked.

Alas, not to his surprise, he did not get an answer. Gibbs left then, not saying a word to any of them. They continued on throughout the day doing their paperwork.

_The World Spinning_, thought McGee in his read. It was from a book he read once, a magnificent book, a book that he thought of on days like this. The days where you realize how many things are going in the world, how many people there are, and how impossible it is to know or imagine all of them. What was Gibbs doing? Where did he go, and why didn't he tell them? He did not know the answers, but he kept doing what he was doing while Gibbs went on to do what it was he was doing. The world was just spinning thought McGee, just like it kept on doing in that novel, things just turning. Over, and over again. _We stumble on_, he remembered. The character saying _We stumble, it is enough. _Is it enough, he thought? For all of us?

Weather it was, weather he could answer these questions, the world would just keep spinning, time would go one, people would grow old. The constant on-going of this cycle, he was thinking to himself, the consistency of movement he though, that is what it enough. And sure enough, just as he finished this thought, Gibbs returned through the elevator doors.

"Had to run to CGIS" he said, and the rest Tony couldn't focus on. Something about another ship to Somalia, another issue the same as the one they encountered before, but the ship was really brought down this time, no survivors he said, they wouldn't go to Somalia again, not this time. Tony wasn't following, the words _ship _and _Somalia _were enough to steal his train his thought-to bring it back to times that were bitter sweet to him, much like the current day itself.

The day was long, mountains of paperwork on desks, many thoughts got thought, memories remembered, the present slipped away-layered under all of these things, all of the moments that existed and ceased to exist at all the same time, like the sun, but with a cloud in front of it.

Eventually it became time to return home, and Tony got ready and left the office. He was walking down the stairs to the parking garage, when he noticed something was in his pocket. He reached his hand into the side pocket of his suit pants and realized that he had taken the Star of David necklace with him without even realizing.

The rest of the night was normal.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day was Saturday, and as they did not have this weekend call in, the team was off.

Tony awoke to the sunshine and the light sound of the wind at his window. The yellow glow of the sun made him feel productive, like he should get up and go do something - be a producer instead of a consumer. So he did, he cleaned up his apartment, he went to the food store, and he watched his movies. As the day was coming to an end and night began to fall, he felt like going for a run, to take a short jog in the park.

Once he was dressed and ready to go, he drove to the park by the NCIS headquarters. He did a few laps around the park, running down the paths that he chose not to take on the last lap. The cool night air on his face, the blood pumping through his veins, and the thoughts flowing through his head. He thought of many things, of his father, of Ziva, of his new team member, and of the past year. He began to slow his run to a walk, and then he sat down on the bench facing the parking lot.

He saw a small female figure standing by a car. He had to get home through that parking lot anyway, so he began to walk in that direction. The woman dropped her keys, and he bent down to pick them up for her. He didn't even realize what was happening, he handed her the keys, but the woman did not say thank you. Instead, she just looked at him.

He said "Have a nice night." and then turned to walk away. As he took a couple of steps forward, there was something in him, something innate, something that turned him around. He walked back towards her, but the woman was fumbling nervously to get the keys into the key hole of the car. He walked up next to her, perhaps closer than may have been appropriate.

"Excuse me," He said, and the woman turned around to face him,a gray sweatshirt hood folded over the top half of her face. She slowly raised her head, brought her eyes to meet his. His breath hitched moment, caught his throat, like he was choking on it.

"...Ziva?" The name came out like a question, like he was questioning the validity of the situation. Could he have been dreaming, or could he be zoning out at work?

"Tony." was all that she said.

They stood there for a moment, neither of them moving, neither of them breathing. He was looking into her eyes now, and he felt nothing else, nothing but the intensity of the stare.

"What...are you doing here?"

"I am taking a trip back here as a, sort of vacation to myself."

They did not hug. They did not kiss. They did not embrace. They just stood there. Silent.

Neither of them knew what the say, there was nothing to be said. There were things racing through Tony's mind, questions, thoughts, anger, happiness, sweetness. There it was again, the bitter to the sweet. The bitter of not being able to say any of these things out loud, the bitter of the situation. It wasn't so much the bitterness, he decided, but the lack of sweetness. The lack of the rich nectar.

The wind whipped between, and blew Ziva's hair gracefully into her face. She lifted her hand up to push back the strand of hair. This slight movement, this exertion of energy between them is what woke them both up.

"Ziva" Tony said again, this time moving his hand slightly upward.

"Tony" Ziva said, and before she could think of something else to say, Tony had put his hand under his mouth on his chin and asked "When did you get here, how long are you staying?"

The awkwardness of the moment had seemed to melt away, and they could communicate now, even if it was only starting as asking the other small questions.

"I got here two days ago, I haven't bought my return ticket yet. I do not know how long I will be here." Ziva said.

"Where are you staying?"

"I have a hotel room at the Adam's House downtown," Ziva said. "would you like to get a coffee?"

Tony simply lifted his hand and opened the driver side door for her, allowed her to effortlessly slip into the car. He walked around to the passenger side and slid in, shutting the car door behind him.

She did not start the car. Instead, she began to speak. "Tony, I..." but Tony cut her off. "It's good to see you again, Ziva." and all she could do was manage a small smile, and start the car.

There were so many things he wanted to ask her, so many questions racing through his mind. Why didn't she tell him she was here? Why was she in this park alone at night? What has she been doing in Israel? Did she have a job? Was she single? Where was she living? Was she happy? But alas, he knew he could ask none of them. They rode alone in silence in the dark, into the cool and crisp DC night. They drove through the town and under traffic lights, passed storefronts and stop signs, passed people and places, passed things.

Ziva pulled into the parking lot of a small diner, and she put the car in park. She took her hand off the shifter and turned off the engine. They sat there for a few moments, neither one ready to change the scenery. Ziva fumbled with the keys in her hand, and Tony opened his door. Thankful he made the first move, she opened her door and got out of the car. Tony casually walked up to the entrance of the diner and held the door open for her. Ziva walked up to the hostess. "Two, please." she said, and they walked to the booth, slid across the vinyl booth sides, and sat down. They looked at each other in the light then. Really seeing each other for the first time. Letting the light rush in, letting the moment wash out.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys, thanks for the reviews and for the favorites and the following! I study medicine and chemistry at a university and it is finals week so I am spending most of my time in the labs finishing up research and such, but I will post as often as I can!

The way Tony had reacted to first seeing her was unexpected, there was no passionate kissing, no yelling, no fighting, and no crying. When he had thought about what he would do when she returned, if he ever saw her again, it was much more fantastic in his mind than what happened. But as John Green says, nothing is ever as good as you can imagine it to be.

Although there was something nice about it, it was simple, but it was nice. He still had questions to ask, things to say. But where do you start with that? He didn't go to find her this time, she had come to him. It was her turn to start, not his. On the surface he appeared to be very calm, very put together, not taken off guard at all. His movements were deliberate, his eyes were steady, and his body was relaxed. She seemed a little bit fidgety, but he decided it was probably just nerves. After all, inside of his head was bustling with life, with energy, he was just containing it, giving her the chance that he got oh those so many months ago.

When the waitress came over, Ziva ordered a coffee, and Tony did the same. "So," Tony said, "how have you been?"

"I have been good, Tony. Living in Israel is much different than living here, but I am managing."

Tony sipped on his hot coffee. "Have you been working at all, have you been staying in the same house?"

"I have been working, yes. I have been doing much traveling, although it is mostly around Israel itself. I have not stayed in that house, there are too many, how do you say it, ghosts? I am staying in an apartment in the city of Tel Aviv. Schmeil says Hello."

"Ah, Schmeil the man of steel! How is he doing, still kicking?"

"Yes, Tony, Schmeil is good. He is always, good."

The conversation went on small talking for a while, for almost an hour. After they had talked about all of the things that did not require much emotional effort, the conversation seemed to die. A silence sat between them, lingering in the air like the Carbon Monoxide from a car exhaust. You knew the CO was there; but it was colorless, odorless, tasteless.

Tony and Ziva could both feel it, the interaction has seemed shallow at best thus far. The night grew old, and it was almost closing time for the small DC diner they had been sitting in. Ziva excused herself to use the restroom, then the waitress came over and told him they were going to start closing up shop, and did he want anything else? No, he thought, not from here.

Tony put some cash on the table and a generous tip. He spotted Ziva walking out of the bathroom and he walked over to her. "Closing up." he said, "We should probably be going."

Ziva nodded in agreement, he opened the door for her, and they walked over to her car. Much to her surprise, Tony did not get into the car. Instead he walked over to her side of the car, and stood close to the driver side door. She looked up at him, she could taste the words that she knew would soon come dripping out of his mouth.

"Ziva," Tony say, in a husky-low whisper. "What are we doing?"

He did not even have to explain himself. Ziva knew what he was talking about. This shallow interaction, a diner late at night, a rental car, 6 inches between them at minimum at all times. Until right now.

"I know, Tony." She said, and then she looked at him, "But not here."

"Okay," said Tony, "then where."

Ziva just turned towards the car and opened the door. Tony took this as a sign that he should do the same, that maybe they could go somewhere and do this for real. They could take off their masks, they could feel instead of see, they could be warm instead of cold.

Ziva pulled up to Tony's car back in the parking lot of the park, and Tony said "Okay, so my place." Ziva nodded, and Tony left the car.

He kept thinking in his head how strange this all was, that there had be something else, there had to be more. Or was it gone? Was it ever there in the first place? No matter, he decided. They would go to his apartment, they would talk. Maybe swap the coffee for some liquor, he thought. Loosen them both up.

He pulled into the parking garage of his apartment building and he saw Ziva pulling in close behind. They entered the building together, taking the elevator instead of the stairs. Before, their relationship had always been work, now he wanted luxury.

"I have not been here in a long time." Ziva said, as they approached his apartment door.

"I know." Said Tony.

Tony walked passed her to open the door, his hand rubbing up against her side. He knew that it was there, he could have moved it, should have moved it, but he did not. Instead he just opened the door with one hand. The door swung open and the apartment was staring them both in the face, smiling at them, as if to say "Welcome home."

They entered the apartment, walked into the living room. Tony put all of his belongings away, and Ziva took a seat on his couch, facing the large TV and ever larger movie collection on the wall. Tony walked into the kitchen and poured two glasses of red wine, one in his hand and then he placed the other on the table in front of her. She reached for it, "thank you" she said.

Yes, Tony thought, things were getting looser already.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony took a seat next to her on the couch. He was not going to talk first this time, no. she was going to do that. What had happened? He thought. She was always the one to press conversations, to sneak looks to him across the bull-pen, to say they were friends when they watched movies late at night in the NCIS building. And now, she has barely said anything.

He just sat there, looking at her. She looked up from her wine glass and their eyes met. Something fire-y between them, something electric. She almost couldn't keep the gaze. She looked away but she could feel his eyes still there, boring a hole into her.

"I am sorry, Tony." she said. All of the things that happened in Israel when he was there, her being here now, she had to apologize. He had been the soft one all these years, but now she knew it was her turn. What was making her do this, was it shame for what has been going on with her life there now, all of the things he didn't know?

"Ziva, no." he said, "There should be no apologies tonight."

"I have to, Tony. The way you left Israel after coming to find me, the way we were cut off communication. That would have been fine, to do that, but I am here now. I have done all of those things, and now I have returned, without even a warning."

"We all do things sometimes Ziva, its okay. Hey, I have to ask," Tony began in a lighter voice, attempting to steer the conversation in an upwards direction. "What were you doing in that park so late at night, alone, in a rental silver Honda?"

Ziva chuckled a little bit at the Honda comment, but it was so true. Why did she opt for that silly car anyway?

Once she allowed the small giggle escape her lips, she felt better. "I do not know why I chose that car, it is a good car. No?"

Tony couldn't help but manage a smile, and he could feel things getting better. He pulled out that old term, that term that made her angry and blush at the same time.

"That didn't answer the heart of my question, sweet cheeks."

He said with a grin, and Ziva looked down and blushed. She took another sip of her almost half empty wine glass, and he did the same. They did not eat at the diner, and the wine was beginning to get to them slightly. Usually Tony would opt for whiskey alone, a whole fifth of it, but he had strayed away from those old habits, and he barely drank at all anymore. She had also not eaten in a long time, and she was beginning to get that warm fuzzy feeling welling up in her cheeks, the numbness and tingling in her lips.

"Aha, sweet cheeks. I never thought I could miss such an American term."

Tony smiled. "Anyway," she said, taking another sip, "I...wanted to go for a walk. I have not had much to do these past days, I was just visiting familiar sights."

"You knew it was me." He said without any hesitation.

"Yes." She said. "Yes, I knew that it was you. I did not know what to say to you, I did not know what you were doing out there at night, I did not know if you would want to see me after all that has happened."

"I always want to see you, Ziva."

Ziva just looked down at her wine and her hands, she knew what was coming next.

"Why are you here, Ziva? The real reason."

Ziva stammered. She did not want to tell him this, although she knew it was unavoidable that it would come up with her returned. Maybe this is one of the reasons that she did not contact him when she first got here, she did not know what to say to him. That was always a fear of hers, not knowing what to say to him when she saw him again. And here it was, coming true.

"Tony, I-"

"No, Ziva, I want to know. I have the right to know."

"Alright, Tony. I encountered some...hardships while I was in Israel. I just needed a break, that is all."

"That's it? What kind of hardships?"

It was obvious that Ziva was having more hardships than she admitted to or that she was willing to say. Was she not going to tell him? The thought of that made him angry. In the past, he has always waited for her to open up to him, always waited for her to feel comfortable, never pushed her farther than she wanted to go. But not anymore, this time he was done waiting for her, and he deserved to know. If not for any other reason, it was because he cared about her. Because he wanted to be able to help her when she returned home. So maybe he was getting a little frustrated, but only because she wasn't giving him enough to give back to her.

"I had a run in with some member of Bodnar's team, but I am not an agent anymore. I work in the city of Tel Aviv, but I am not a member of Mossad. But the men, they started to follow me. I do not carry a gun or a badge anymore, but I still know when I am being followed. I was worried that if they ever came to attack me, that I would not be able to defend myself adequately without a gun. I went to Mossad in search of help, but Orli offered me back my job. I did not take it. Mossad sent protection for a few days but I got tired of feeling helpless, so I came back here. I do not feel helpless in this city, this city is an example of all of the things I can do, not all of the things I cannot do. Returning to Israel was right for me at the time, but I do not know what I am to do there now."

Tony was taking this all in. He was trying to think of a response, to figure out what to say to her. Forget about what to say, what has he just heard? Was Ziva a target, is that what she was saying? He couldn't imagine Ziva feeling helpless, she was the one who had saved his life many-a-time, the one who took on the people that other members of the team did not want to take on. Thinking about this saddened Tony, because if anyone deserved to be able to protect themselves, he thought it was Ziva. He also thought that she wasn't giving herself enough credit, that she could still do it if she had to. She just hadn't been put in that situation for a while. Alas, Tony did not know what to say.

"Why didn't you tell any of us that you were here, why didn't you tell me, or even Gibbs?"

"I was not sure what to say to any of you, Tony. I did not think that I needed help, and I did not want you think that help was the only reason that I returned here. I have brought enough bad into everyone's lives as it is. I did not want to disrupt people again. I did not want to cause any more problems than I already have. I caused such a commotion by leaving, I did not..."

Tony cut her off. "Zee-vah," his voice was heavy with now. She had opened to him, had told him why she was here. "I thought about you everyday for a long time. I went to a support group for men after you left, at a church. Do you believe that? It was hard for me to continue on working not knowing if you were okay or not, not knowing what you were doing so far away. Eventually I stopped obsessing though, and I started really thinking. I thought that if you chose to go there, to live there, that you deserved that choice. There were so many times that there were things going on in my life that I wanted to contact you for, but I knew that I couldn't do that. I knew that you didn't want that. But Ziva, you're here now, and I can't believe it."

Tony reached for the hand that was resting on her lap. He gently held it, and she looked up her. He was done talking now, he has said more than enough. Perhaps it was the wine, but he felt those walls disappearing. She looked up at him, a tear rolling down her left cheek. She managed a chuckle, but it was clear she was holding back tears.


End file.
